First Church of Zuppuology

Church of Zuppuology 2
R. Gayle Shiester:

Welcome to the First Church of Zuppuology!

Don’t you be Tarot-fied
We are here to help you fill the cultural vacuum
Don’t you be Tarot-fied
Just pay your dues to the estate of the founder


Don’t try to look behind his eyes
(They are made of paper and/or pixels)
You don’t wanna know what he has seen
Don’t you ever try to look behind his eyes
(They are made of paper and/or pixels)
You don’t ever wanna know what they have seen

Only the First Church of Zuppuology knows the truth of Zuppu
Only We know the true way to Zuppu knowledge
Don’t mess with Zuppu blasphemy and Zuppu heretics
But follow the true path of Zuppu to Laurel Canyon

Zuppu Freak:

Oh Mystical Advisor
What is my problem, tell me
Can you see?

R. Gayle Shiester:

Well, you have nothing to fear, my son!
You are a Latent Litigation Fetishist,
It appears to me!

Zuppu Freak:

That all seems very, very strange
I have never craved a lawyer
Or been on a jury before

R. Gayle Shiester:

A Latent Litigation Fetishist
Is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself
That sexual gratification can only be achieved
Through the use of THE LAW . . .
Get the picture?

Zuppu Freak:

Are you telling me
I should go into a courtroom now
Mr. Gayle?

R. Gayle Shiester:

No, my son!
You must go into
(the Club)

Zuppu Freak:


R. Gayle Shiester:

And you will have

Zuppu Freak:


R. Gayle Shiester:

A lot of fun!
That’s where they all live . . .
So if you want a
Lawyer to love you
You’ll have to go in there
‘N get you one

Zuppu Freak:

That seems simple enough . . .

R. Gayle Shiester:

But if you want a really GOOD one,
You’ll have to learn a foreign language . . .

Zuppu Freak:

German, for instance?

R. Gayle Shiester:

That’s right . . .
A lot of really cute ones come from over there!
These lawyers really go for a guy dressed up like a tribute band who can speak German (you know what I mean) . . .
(Fifty bucks, please)


Little ugly lawyers dance around with tribute bands with names like Protect/Object, Kilt Ugly Ratio, Bogus Pimps, Muffled Men and Shocked Yembouties . . . and when Zuppu freak sees this one lawyer, with an enormous supeonas covered with . . . he BURSTS INTO SONG . . .

Before leaving the First Church of Zuppuology . . . and for small introductory fee . . . you can briefly enter the Ye Old Vault itself and stand in the very presence of an actual replica of the guitar that Hundrox gave Zuppu as a gift . . . also be awed by our newly renovated Utility Music Research Kitchenette — now completely redesigned and automated in line with our new corporate philosophy: Attack Anyone at Anytime For No Reason At All. Then relax in our new lounge PEW 38 and refresh yourself with a nice Freak Up Ale or a Kill Ugly Stout, before stopping by our friendly store to buy your entire family a Fronk Zuppu T-Shirt (comes in all sizes and made with care by happy Honduran workers), Portrait-sized jigsaw puzzles and posters of our founder . . . Pay toilets available in the atrium, just ask our lovely hostess Lucille for change.

kill ugly stout small

All terrestrial, extraterrestrial, and interdimensional rights reserved from this moment until the end of time itself. All music, art, images, text and other content are vicariously copyrighted for the world & the universe & beyond © The First Church of Zuppuology (unless otherwise noted). Zuppu, Fronk Zuppu & The Virgin Beard and other various hairs as of yet not grown are marks belonging to the First Church of Zuppuology. All Rights Reserved. Register & Vote for Hillary. Free Buttons for members.

Zuppu himself

This post is copyleft.

Links For 07-02-2008

  • Flickr: CD Cover Meme
  • The point
  • Why Scratching Relieves An Itch – “The reduced brain activity occurred in the anterior cingulate cortex, an area associated with aversion to unpleasant sensory experiences, and the posterior cingulate cortex, which is associated with memory.”
  • Zappa In Australia – “The object of this site is an attempt to confirm and catalogue everything Australian & New Zealand of Frank Zappa and Captain Beefheart.” (via Maroual)
  • The Scott Thunes Effect – “Frank Zappa bass transcriptions, as played by Scott Thunes”

Links For 31-01-2008

Links For Jan 29th

  • “From today, feel free to download another 25 million songs — legally” – QTrax launches. Another 25 million crappy ads, yay! Sarcasm aside, I wonder where this will be going.
  • Sleevefaces
  • Robert Plant | No love for new music – “Wrinkly Robert showed his age with the rant at two of the world’s biggest bands as they were played over the stereo at Fifty Five Bar. He rubbished Radiohead and the Red Hot Chili Peppers – and then demanded to hear weirdo rocker CAPTAIN BEEFHEART instead.”

Links For 20-01-08

Links For Jan 13th

Wherein Barry Does Not Mention The ZFT

Thanks all for posting comments and sending in emails with regard to You Know What — we all appreciate this more than you can imagine and will be adding more information here as promised. Since I’m coming down with a perfectly timed cold, nicely coupled with an ear infection, New Year’s Eve being just days away, posting will be light here for the coming days. Until then, a couple of links to relax, inform and keep you busy:

  • Untangle – intriguing little flash puzzle, oddly appropriate given the circumstances…
  • Ed Palermo: Zappa And Jazz – “let’s examine the question of why a composer/arranger should involve himself so deeply in someone else’s music”…
  • Wiki Jawaka – the wiki just recently surpassed the 4.000 articles mark related to you know who. Kudos to all involved! Onward!
  • Your Scene Sucks – remember that ol’ uniform thing?
  • The Elfs Of Invention – hat tip: Heitor M. Pannuti
  • Zappa Trivia Quiz – Fun, though not as tough as I would have expected.
  • Quote Of The Week: “Pfff, just my luck — to be a fan of both FZ and Prince!” – (Marco, via email)
  • KUR spotting – mentions of KUR elsewhere, in light of recent events…


Oh, and will Bappy Lorenzo report at the front desk ASAP please? KUR’s World Tour Scrapbook has been missing ever since he received it on November 10th.

Lukewarm Poop From Dec 10th

Lukewarm Poop From Dec 8th

Lukewarm Poop From Dec 1st

Lukewarm Poop From November 27th through November 29th

Lukewarm Poop From November 26th

What’s With The Lukewarm Poop?

An eloquent title if ever I saw one, as you’ll surely agree. Anyway, you may have noticed yesterday’s post which consisted merely of a bunch of links and a bit of light commentary. What’s up with that?

Well, every day I come across links that I figure could be of some interest to you, but don’t warrant a full post of their own (or I don’t have time to turn them into one). I either spot these in my RSS reader, or oftentimes because one of you has sent them to me via email.

Using my account, I’m now bookmarking those, and with the magic of a little WordPress plugin, they will then show up here all neatly bundled into one post.

So if you come across a page, site, article, video clip that you think would fit a Delicious Links entry, by all means: do drop me a note. It’ll either show up here in one way or another — or it won’t. Don’t get mad at me when that happens. Remember: such is life. ;)

Lukewarm Poop From November 24th