Archive for the ‘Bizarre’ Category

First Church of Zuppuology

Church of Zuppuology 2
R. Gayle Shiester:

Welcome to the First Church of Zuppuology!

Don’t you be Tarot-fied
We are here to help you fill the cultural vacuum
Don’t you be Tarot-fied
Just pay your dues to the estate of the founder

FRONK ZUPPU!!! FRONK ZUPPU!!!

Don’t try to look behind his eyes
(They are made of paper and/or pixels)
You don’t wanna know what he has seen
Don’t you ever try to look behind his eyes
(They are made of paper and/or pixels)
You don’t ever wanna know what they have seen

Only the First Church of Zuppuology knows the truth of Zuppu
Only We know the true way to Zuppu knowledge
Don’t mess with Zuppu blasphemy and Zuppu heretics
But follow the true path of Zuppu to Laurel Canyon

Zuppu Freak:

Oh Mystical Advisor
What is my problem, tell me
Can you see?

R. Gayle Shiester:

Well, you have nothing to fear, my son!
You are a Latent Litigation Fetishist,
It appears to me!

Zuppu Freak:

That all seems very, very strange
I have never craved a lawyer
Or been on a jury before

R. Gayle Shiester:

A Latent Litigation Fetishist
Is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself
That sexual gratification can only be achieved
Through the use of THE LAW . . .
Get the picture?

Zuppu Freak:

Are you telling me
I should go into a courtroom now
Mr. Gayle?

R. Gayle Shiester:

No, my son!
You must go into
BERGER KAHN
(the Club)

Zuppu Freak:

What?

R. Gayle Shiester:

And you will have

Zuppu Freak:

Eh?

R. Gayle Shiester:

A lot of fun!
That’s where they all live . . .
So if you want a
Lawyer to love you
You’ll have to go in there
‘N get you one

Zuppu Freak:

That seems simple enough . . .

R. Gayle Shiester:

But if you want a really GOOD one,
You’ll have to learn a foreign language . . .

Zuppu Freak:

German, for instance?

R. Gayle Shiester:

That’s right . . .
A lot of really cute ones come from over there!
These lawyers really go for a guy dressed up like a tribute band who can speak German (you know what I mean) . . .
(Fifty bucks, please)

Inside BERGER KAHN:

Little ugly lawyers dance around with tribute bands with names like Protect/Object, Kilt Ugly Ratio, Bogus Pimps, Muffled Men and Shocked Yembouties . . . and when Zuppu freak sees this one lawyer, with an enormous supeonas covered with . . . he BURSTS INTO SONG . . .

Before leaving the First Church of Zuppuology . . . and for small introductory fee . . . you can briefly enter the Ye Old Vault itself and stand in the very presence of an actual replica of the guitar that Hundrox gave Zuppu as a gift . . . also be awed by our newly renovated Utility Music Research Kitchenette — now completely redesigned and automated in line with our new corporate philosophy: Attack Anyone at Anytime For No Reason At All. Then relax in our new lounge PEW 38 and refresh yourself with a nice Freak Up Ale or a Kill Ugly Stout, before stopping by our friendly store to buy your entire family a Fronk Zuppu T-Shirt (comes in all sizes and made with care by happy Honduran workers), Portrait-sized jigsaw puzzles and posters of our founder . . . Pay toilets available in the atrium, just ask our lovely hostess Lucille for change.

kill ugly stout small

All terrestrial, extraterrestrial, and interdimensional rights reserved from this moment until the end of time itself. All music, art, images, text and other content are vicariously copyrighted for the world & the universe & beyond © The First Church of Zuppuology (unless otherwise noted). Zuppu, Fronk Zuppu & The Virgin Beard and other various hairs as of yet not grown are marks belonging to the First Church of Zuppuology. All Rights Reserved. Register & Vote for Hillary. Free Buttons for members.

Zuppu himself

This post is copyleft.

A Compulsive Commenter Speaks

A descent into the bizarre kingdom of the comments window. Based on actual facts.
Here comes the train! MOOOOO

Italy Passes Law Allowing P2P Music?

The Italian parliament passed a new copyright law in both houses that would allow citizens to share noncommercial and degraded music over the internet freely.

That’s going to hurt – but some say it happened totally unknowingly – we’ll see what happens.

God Warrior

Via Andrew, check out this outrageous slice of video from a reality show called Wife Swap:

Dark sided! Dark sided! Be sure to watch the vid all the way through by the way, as harrowing an experience as it may be…

Incredible Recordings

Ever heard of Alessandro Moreschi? He’s the world’s only recorded true castrato, and you can give him a listen here — along with nine other incredible recordings. The audio of a Russian exorcism is not for the faint of heart though…

G-Shot Tornado

Did FZ see it coming all those years ago? The G-Shot:

By 4 p.m. she sat inside Dr. Justin Salerno’s office, readying to become the surgeon’s first patient to receive an injection called a G-Shot, also known as G-spot Amplification. With a 3 1/2-inch needle, Salerno pumped a small dose of collagen into his patient’s Grafenberg Spot and made it swell to the size of a quarter.

T-minus One Million

As of yesterday, Jeremy Harper has begun counting to one million — live on the internets.

Go Kiss Yourself

selfkiss.jpg

Pictures of people kissing themselves. Freaky.

NEE

Question: at election time, where can you cast your vote and sign up for a blowjob? Answer: why, Belgium, silly!

Chameleon

And you thought Zelig was fiction? Think again:

When with doctors, AD assumes the role of a doctor; when with psychologists he says he is a psychologist; at the solicitors he claims to be a solicitor. AD doesn’t just make these claims, he actually plays the roles and provides plausible stories for how he came to be in these roles.

I’d love to know what happens when he’s in the presence of a rabbi…

Conservapedia

Conservapedia is a much-needed alternative to Wikipedia, which is increasingly anti-Christian and anti-American.

So finally here it is: Conservapedia!
(“There is no page titled “zappa”. You can create this page. “)

It All Makes Sense To Me Now

Today’s Crackpot Conspiracy features Britney Spears’ shaven head, a very dead Anna Nicole Smith, Madonna and Janet Jackson’s right nipple. What do they have in common, you ask? Why, they’ve all been brainwashed by the Illuminati, silly!

Yatta!

Um, wtf?

Second Coming, Puerto Rican Edition

How refreshing: a minister with the number 666 tattooed on his arm:

Although it’s a number usually associated with Satan, not the son of God, de Jesus says that 666 and the Antichrist are, like him, misunderstood. The Antichrist is not the devil, de Jesus tells his congregation; he’s the being who replaces Jesus on Earth.

Funniest quote from the article though:

De Jesus’ claims of divinity have angered Christian leaders, who say he is a fake.

Giant Steps

The John Coltrane classic, as played by… a robot:

Oh, and they conduct orchestra’s as well, apparently. Crazy.