Author: Lonesome Cowboy Squirt

I just heard in the news this morning that Exxon confirmed a settlement of 6.75 billion dollars (4.5 billion plus interest) as compensation for that big, nasty oil spill fifteen years ago. There’s nothing like that sleek, fast, “well-oiled” legal machinery!

Helmut Newton, the great photographer of erotica, died last Friday in an automobile accident. Many of his works were featured in Vogue, Elle and Playboy. He was 83.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to explore the uncharted territories of the Newlywed Game. Now that the homo-marriage is an old, worn out concept, it’s high time all the deviants of the world decided to come up with something REALLY DIFFERENT.

Please, folks, let’s not write off the 20th century as the era of musical cheese. There’s a lot more to it than Michael, Britney or J-Lo.
This article provides a lot of interesting facts about where 20th century music really came from, and how it relates to FZ’s compositional style.

“There’s no reason to collude. I’m not there to make his life miserable, but you know, by the same token, if you want facts I’ll give them to you – you want something else, go someplace else.” – Frank Zappa, October 1993. Here is what is probably FZ’s last interview, by Ben “Poodle Play” Watson.

Get off without disturbing your neighbors. It’s the new craze that’s sweeping the ocean. Welcome to the world of the new fetish: headphones!

Hey, folks! Have you always wanted your very own place for all your exotic dancing needs, but don’t want to pay a fortune in protection money to the mob or kickbacks to the vice squad? Well, it looks like these guys have the solution just for you. Enjoy the delights of exotic dancing in the comfort of your own home. Yow! More fun than a wet T-shirt contest!

How do you get your child actively involved in Homeland Security? Get ’em started early.

Is it being politically correct or is it just spinelessness?

….for those of us with too much time on our hands!

“We know they were in the Bering Strait in 1994. We know some were on ice.” Scientists are tracking the migration of rubber ducks lost at sea over a decade ago.

Apparently, the Osmonds are not even close to being as popular as our fearless leader, at least in Germany. There is a God.

The PMRC are alive and well. They’re just operating under a new name – “Focus on the Family”. Isn’t that swell? Have a look here for the latest reviews of your favorite albums, movies or television shows.

Gosh…I’m ecstatic. Can’t you tell? Lisa “Lerb” Loeb and Dweezil “the Dweez” Zappa are performing a concert in my hometown tonight. Too bad I don’t live there any more.

The legends continue. The man whose voice has been synonymous with NBC longer than any other began his 60th year with the network in the summer of 2003.