London Calling

Suppose for a minute, a couple of friends of yours were to visit the town of London (UK), say, somewhere around mid May. Suppose it’d be their first time there, and you were asked to give some advice as to what they must absolutely not miss while there. What advice would you give them?

Bear in mind: for this hypothetical case, those friends would already know about the Crumb exposition

23 thoughts on “London Calling”

  1. Oh dear, one of my least favoutite destinations – overpriced, dirty and some of the rudest people on earth. the London Eye (the big ferris wheel next to County Hall on the Thames) is worth a spin, museums and art galleries (Tate Modern’s worth a visit). If you want a decent beer though you’d better bring your own (unless of course you like flat, lifeless overly hopped liquid) although The Coach and Horses in Soho does a very reasonably priced sandwich (Jeffrey Barnard’s old haunt). Check out the Time Out magazine nearer the time for exhibitions/shows/gigs etc. You’ll need loadsamoney (and if you happen to bump into a certain Bliar fella; give him a swift kick in the nadgers from me ;-)

  2. You know there’s also a presnt day composer called Crumb.

    He’ very good by the way.Anyway I like his music very much, most of all the string quartets.

  3. Also, (and this is just because I know that “your friends” are such huge fans ) Rod Stewart is playing 9th, 11th and 12th at Earls Court (should be busking in the tube station).

  4. May 20th at The Forum, London; John Peel’s all time favourite band The “mighty” Fall – guaranteed hit or a miss – musics answer to Alex Hurricane Higgins and resembling him more and more each year; the incredible Mark E Smith.

  5. Thanks everybody, next time someone visits south West Flanders, close to the border with France, just ask…(btw, those couple of friends should get a crate of Grimbergen before they go, according to Guac…)

  6. My hypothetical friend is telling me his hypothetical spouse is slapping him with very thick hard-cover editions of Ben Watson books for not having noticed the Rod Stewart gig (my hypothetical friend had already booked the trip for another time-interval, I take it you can feel his pain).

    Checklist so far:
    – be prepared for untidy, anti-social Londoners
    – bring Belgian beer (essential)
    – check out the bathroom walls at the british museum
    – check out the Coach & Horses at Soho (cheap food, good beer)
    – get a copy of Time Out magazine
    – bring loads of cash
    – when meeting a guy bloke called Bliar, kick him in the gonads

    Bloomin’ wonderful, cheers lads!

  7. To keep your hands free for fighting through all the filth and aggressive natives you could leave the beer at home…

    There are 2191 events listed at…

    There are lots of toilets in the British Museum you could spend a whole day visiting them all. They are toilets. Please do not ask for a bathroom – it will only make the natives even more aggressive.

    By mid May the Blair bloke may have moved out of town – but our survey says he will probably still be around.

  8. Goands, no, no ,no, Gonads !

    Christ, these damn fingers are failing me, too much Belgian beer I guess. Hoegaarden must be a slow poison.

  9. A friend (“real” not hypothetical) whose a bit more attuned to luvvly cockerneys than I am recommends;
    Terence Conran’s “Floridita” restaurant – need to book in advance but this can be done online – live cuban music too,
    St Paul’s Cathedral – the whispering gallery,
    Knightsbridge for shopping if your “hypothetical” lady friend is into clothes shopping – also Harrod’s (home of Mr Al “fugga” Fayed) great food hall and sushi bar,
    Open top bus trip round sights from Baker Street (who mentioned Gerry Rafferty?), Kew Gardens (cheap), Highgate Cemetry (even cheaper!) to visit Karl Marx’s grave (?), and if your “hypothetical friends” are there over a weekend, try Portobello Market on the Saturday morning and get yerselfs daaaaaan the eastend on Sunday morning for pie ‘n’ mash ‘n’ green liquor (I kid you not), smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels, and then Tubby Isaacs fer some jellied eels (washed down with a crate of Grimbergen (Hungarian phrasebook say – “my cross-=channel ferry is full of regurgitated eels”).

  10. One of the saddest things I find about going to the continent of “old Europe” is that I invariably manage to come across a little ex-pat run caff (something like “Jack and Hilda from Yorkshire” chalked on a board with union jacks a go-go) advertising their grease ridden “full english breakfasts” uuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhh :-(

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