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God Angrily Clarifies “Don’t Kill” Rule:
“Look, I don’t know, maybe I haven’t made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again,” said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. “Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don’t. And to be honest, I’m really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand.”

On the other hand: Neutron Bomb Could Resolve Crisis in Middle East:
“Landover’s resolution advocates the use of neutron bombs in place of less expensive fission weapons.  “We just want to kill the people, not the historic landmarks,” noted Mrs. Betty Bowers, president of Betty Bowers Ministries, Ltd.  All the holy sites will remain in tact.  My company would bid on the rights to restore them to a quality acceptable for tourists of all means.  Except, of course, for the Mosque, which would be demolished to provide much-needed parking.”

Links via The Big Note.

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 29th, 2001 at 12:58 pm by Barry's Imaginary Publisher and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.