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Good Advice

December 26th, 2002 • Barry's Imaginary Publisher

One Response to “Good Advice”

1. SOFA says:
   December 26th, 2002 at 2:30 pm »

   Ah… A topic on which I can expound! Having been an alcohol abuser for over 30 years, I can add a thought or two based on personal experience.
   First, the “doc’s” list: He’s right about Port and Red Wines in general - but, especially Port. He’s dead wrong about hard liquor in general - and cocktails specifically. Follow his advice on these and you’re guarenteed to feel like shit! (his info on congeners is not quite accurate and, if you read all of his tips, some of the other info is contradictory).
   The higher the level of congeners in distilled spirits, the least you should want to mix the spirit - with anything other than water. Almost all mixers have some degree of sugars, which react with the congeners to create a hang-over.
   His statement regarding champagne and carbonation holds true with mixed drinks containing soda-pop. So avoiding “cocktails”, or mixed drinks is wise.
   “But, I like the taste of Rum & Coke” you say. Then quit yer whining, and prepare for a life of nasty mornings after…
   I have succesfully gotten quite trashed on rum, and woken up the next morning feeling fine. The secret? Forget the Coke. Drink the devil Rum straight - preferably neat.
   In fact, my best advice is to drink every alcohol straight up, or on the rocks (when I say ‘rocks’, I mean one solitary cube. See comments on “cold” below). If rum, whiskey, teqilla, or gin had been intended to drink by the tumbler full, then the ancestors who created it would have made it differently.
   Drink slowly! Sip, for god’s sake; you’ll get there. A good alcohol buzz is like surfing - don’t go for it all on the first round; ride the wave, don’t ‘attack’ it; showing off can get you killed…
   One of the greatest sins of modern day, where alcohol is concerned, is refrigeration. Excessive chilling not only mutes the flavors, but decreases the speed in which the alcohol enters your bloodstream, encouraging one to drink faster (and more) than one needs to, in order to achieve the desired effect. Drink your alcoholic beverages at the temperature they were intended (which, for almost any GOOD beer, is 55 degrees F. Are you reading this USA? Stop frosting yer damn mugs, and try it “basement cool” for a change… Jeez, where does a guy have to go to get a room temperature beer in this country?).
   Hunter S. Thompson wrote something to the effect “There are 2 ways to get drunk: Tequila, and everything else.” He was/is quite right. I would have to add Sake to his list…
   I, personally, have not been hungover from Tequila since I stopped mixing it with orange juice back in ‘77. Care should be used when selecting Tequila also, as there are almost as many types, of varying quality, as there are types of beer… Cabo Wabo (Sammy Hagar’s Tequila) has never done me wrong; I like their top of the line, but at over $100 per bottle, it’s a little cost prohibitive.
   One of the glaring omissions from the “tips” is personal body chemistry. The best advice is to know what alcohols, yeasts, and sugars your body can tolerate, and which it cannot. Always get a nasty hangover after drinking red wine? Well, duh! Stop drinking red wine! Find something else to get ga-ga on…
   The best advice in the collumn: sleep. Sleep is known to cure anything that ails the body.
   SOFA