God Angrily Clarifies “Don’t

God Angrily Clarifies “Don’t Kill” Rule:
“Look, I don’t know, maybe I haven’t made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again,” said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. “Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don’t. And to be honest, I’m really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand.”

On the other hand: Neutron Bomb Could Resolve Crisis in Middle East:
“Landover’s resolution advocates the use of neutron bombs in place of less expensive fission weapons.  “We just want to kill the people, not the historic landmarks,” noted Mrs. Betty Bowers, president of Betty Bowers Ministries, Ltd.  All the holy sites will remain in tact.  My company would bid on the rights to restore them to a quality acceptable for tourists of all means.  Except, of course, for the Mosque, which would be demolished to provide much-needed parking.”

Links via The Big Note.

News from The Muffin

News from The Muffin Men:
A new album is out called “More Songs From The Campfire” including some extra audio and video material that you can access on PC and Mac. An out-take from the sessions (not included on the album) is free for download on the website.

In other news:
Eye In Hand, an interesting FZ-site is added to the -erh- Add A Page page; The World Of The Muffin Man acquires a dot com by the name of Arf-In.com; and zappa.com still sucks (but hey: it’ll all be okay cuz the video’s will be released this september, right? Right? RIGHT?)

Project/Object, the Grandmothers, and

Project/Object, the Grandmothers, and other Zappa alumni will perform at Irving Plaza NY on Halloween to raise money and awareness for prostate cancer research.  As most of you know, Frank Zappa died at the young age of 53 due to prostate cancer.  For any Zappa fan, this will be one of the most incredible concerts to hit NYC since the 80s.

Will be performing:
Project/Object with
Ike Willis, Napoleon Murphy Brock, Denny Walley, and Ed Palermo and special guests
The Grandmothers featuring
Don Preston, Bunk Gardner, Roy Estrada, Billy Mundi, with Ken Rosser

Some people collect stamps,

Some people collect stamps, others decide they need to write letters to famous people whom they’ve never met:Dear Ahmet,
[quote] “I am not trying to preach but I do consider myself sort of an expert on you. I find that you look best in short sleeve shirts with either a scoop neck or unbuttoned slightly so we get to see a LITTLE chest hair (don’t over do it). You look good in scooped or V neck sweaters that without a busy design. You also look great in the killer suits you wore for HAPPY HOUR but that blue thing with the vertical stripes that you wore the other day gave the illusion that you had no shoulders and that is not good. Especially ’cause you have perfectly good shoulders.” [/quote]
I wonder what sort of fanmail Moon Unit is getting.

I have a confession

I have a confession to make. Having recently adopted a cat from the local pet asylum, I was faced with the task of designating a short, clear name for it. Chunga crossed my mind, as did Flo, Eddie or Cowboy Burt, but none of those had that subtle panache that I was looking for. Besides, the cat doesn’t look anything like Flo, Eddie or JCB (if you have a cat that does, please do send me a picture and I’ll post it here). That night I didn’t get any sleep. Should I call it “On Ruth”, or “Ian”, or “Duke” , or “Nappy” (or “Ponty” god forbid!)? Questions, questions… Meanwhile the handsome little feline critter was happily conducting his business, not in the least bit bothered by the fact that no name had been given to him yet (yes: it’s a him, we checked). And so, upon careful consideration, we decided to call him —get this— ZAPPA. It’s short, it’s got that abundance of vowels that pets so like these days; it’s catchy, it’s here, it’s happenin. And further more: our cat has this funny little black patch right beneath his chin that looks just like a goatee!
So there. Hi, my name is Barry. I named my cat Zappa. What are the odds to there being a fem feline Gail in the neighbourhood?