{"id":3866,"date":"2008-02-15T11:32:52","date_gmt":"2008-02-15T10:32:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.killuglyradio.com\/hot-poop\/2008\/02\/15\/first-church-of-zuppuology"},"modified":"2008-02-15T11:35:46","modified_gmt":"2008-02-15T10:35:46","slug":"first-church-of-zuppuology","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.killuglyradio.com\/hot-poop\/2008\/02\/15\/first-church-of-zuppuology","title":{"rendered":"First Church of Zuppuology"},"content":{"rendered":"

Church of Zuppuology 2<\/a>
\nR. Gayle Shiester:<\/p>\n

Welcome to the First Church of Zuppuology! <\/p>\n

Don’t you be Tarot-fied
\nWe are here to help you fill the cultural vacuum
\nDon’t you be Tarot-fied
\nJust pay your dues to the estate of the founder<\/p>\n

FRONK ZUPPU!!! FRONK ZUPPU!!!<\/p>\n

Don’t try to look behind his eyes
\n(They are made of paper and\/or pixels)
\nYou don’t wanna know what he has seen
\nDon’t you ever try to look behind his eyes
\n(They are made of paper and\/or pixels)
\nYou don’t ever wanna know what they have seen<\/p>\n

Only the First Church of Zuppuology knows the truth of Zuppu
\nOnly We know the true way to Zuppu knowledge
\nDon’t mess with Zuppu blasphemy and Zuppu heretics
\nBut follow the true path of Zuppu to Laurel Canyon<\/p>\n

Zuppu Freak:<\/p>\n

Oh Mystical Advisor
\nWhat is my problem, tell me
\nCan you see?<\/p>\n

R. Gayle Shiester:<\/p>\n

Well, you have nothing to fear, my son!
\nYou are a Latent Litigation Fetishist,
\nIt appears to me!<\/p>\n

Zuppu Freak:<\/p>\n

That all seems very, very strange
\nI have never craved a lawyer
\nOr been on a jury before<\/p>\n

R. Gayle Shiester:<\/p>\n

A Latent Litigation Fetishist
\nIs a person who refuses to admit to his or herself
\nThat sexual gratification can only be achieved
\nThrough the use of THE LAW . . .
\nGet the picture?<\/p>\n

Zuppu Freak:<\/p>\n

Are you telling me
\nI should go into a courtroom now
\nMr. Gayle?<\/p>\n

R. Gayle Shiester:<\/p>\n

No, my son!
\nYou must go into
\nBERGER KAHN
\n(the Club)<\/p>\n

Zuppu Freak:<\/p>\n

What?<\/p>\n

R. Gayle Shiester:<\/p>\n

And you will have<\/p>\n

Zuppu Freak:<\/p>\n

Eh?<\/p>\n

R. Gayle Shiester:<\/p>\n

A lot of fun!
\nThat’s where they all live . . .
\nSo if you want a
\nLawyer to love you
\nYou’ll have to go in there
\n‘N get you one<\/p>\n

Zuppu Freak:<\/p>\n

That seems simple enough . . .<\/p>\n

R. Gayle Shiester:<\/p>\n

But if you want a really GOOD one,
\nYou’ll have to learn a foreign language . . .<\/p>\n

Zuppu Freak:<\/p>\n

German, for instance?<\/p>\n

R. Gayle Shiester:<\/p>\n

That’s right . . .
\nA lot of really cute ones come from over there!
\nThese lawyers really go for a guy dressed up like a tribute band who can speak German (you know what I mean) . . .
\n(Fifty bucks, please)<\/p>\n

Inside BERGER KAHN:<\/p>\n

Little ugly lawyers dance around with tribute bands with names like Protect\/Object, Kilt Ugly Ratio, Bogus Pimps, Muffled Men and Shocked Yembouties . . . and when Zuppu freak sees this one lawyer, with an enormous supeonas covered with . . . he BURSTS INTO SONG . . .<\/p>\n

<\/param><\/param><\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

Before leaving the First Church of Zuppuology . . . and for small introductory fee . . . you can briefly enter the Ye Old Vault itself and stand in the very presence of an actual replica of the guitar that Hundrox gave Zuppu as a gift . . . also be awed by our newly renovated Utility Music Research Kitchenette — now completely redesigned and automated in line with our new corporate philosophy: Attack Anyone at Anytime For No Reason At All. Then relax in our new lounge PEW 38 and refresh yourself with a nice Freak Up Ale or a Kill Ugly Stout, before stopping by our friendly store to buy your entire family a Fronk Zuppu T-Shirt (comes in all sizes and made with care by happy Honduran workers), Portrait-sized jigsaw puzzles and posters of our founder . . . Pay toilets available in the atrium, just ask our lovely hostess Lucille for change.<\/p>\n

kill ugly stout small<\/a>
\n
\nAll terrestrial, extraterrestrial, and interdimensional rights reserved from this moment until the end of time itself. All music, art, images, text and other content are vicariously copyrighted for the world & the universe & beyond \u00c2\u00a9 The First Church of Zuppuology (unless otherwise noted). Zuppu, Fronk Zuppu & The Virgin Beard and other various hairs as of yet not grown are marks belonging to the First Church of Zuppuology. All Rights Reserved. Register & Vote for Hillary. Free Buttons for members.<\/small><\/p>\n

Zuppu himself<\/a>
\n
\nThis post is copyleft.<\/strong><\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

R. Gayle Shiester: Welcome to the First Church of Zuppuology! Don’t you be Tarot-fied We are here to help you fill the cultural vacuum Don’t you be Tarot-fied Just pay your dues to the estate of the founder FRONK ZUPPU!!! … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,8,217,2,261,21,14],"tags":[76,350,355,348,353,354,349,351,325,347,352],"class_list":["post-3866","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-amusing","category-bizarre","category-delicious-links","category-frank-zappa","category-zappa-family-trust-lawsuits-against-fan-sites-tribute-bands-organisations","category-religion","category-science","tag-audio","tag-brand-identity","tag-copyleft","tag-corporate-fascism","tag-fake-ads","tag-fake-logos-trademarks","tag-fascist-theocracy","tag-manufacturing-opinion","tag-parody","tag-satire","tag-visual"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.killuglyradio.com\/hot-poop\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3866","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.killuglyradio.com\/hot-poop\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.killuglyradio.com\/hot-poop\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.killuglyradio.com\/hot-poop\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.killuglyradio.com\/hot-poop\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3866"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.killuglyradio.com\/hot-poop\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3866\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.killuglyradio.com\/hot-poop\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3866"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.killuglyradio.com\/hot-poop\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3866"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.killuglyradio.com\/hot-poop\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3866"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}