Now There’s An Auction

An Incredible Two-Hour Zappa Audio Snack!

The winning bidder will be allowed an exclusive visit to The Vault at Utility Muffin Research Kitchen (UMRK) in Los Angeles, famously, the home of all Frank Zappa Masters. An opportunity to be one of the few insiders in history, but more importantly, you will be the personal guest of Gail Zappa and Joe Travers (…) to tour The Vault and listen to selections of Zappa music that have not been previously released.

Opening Bid: $250.00.
Time Left: 12 days 3 hours 25 minutes.

18 Responses to “Now There’s An Auction”

  1. xorg says:

    Tempting! A nice gesture from Gail. But the snag is the travel costs to Los Angeles and back!

  2. scott says:

    If I had the wherewithall, I’d certainly bid.
    I hope the winner appreciates it!!!

  3. Jamez says:

    I’d want to go, but then I want to listen to the Vault music again and again, which would be impossible as you’re only allowed one visit!

  4. Rob says:

    A couple of years ago, I e-mailed Joe suggesting that they give someone a tour of the vault as a prize in a random drawing for pre-ordering a new FZ cd…Apparently, it was a semi-good idea, but not enough money was involved? (And no, I’m not bidding.)

  5. vince says:

    They should put free invatation scrolls in the beer, like “Family Guy” did!

  6. FB says:

    Right! I would suggest a “FAULTWORM” costume for the winner, and they
    can walk during this visit as industrialvacuumcleaners, and please make
    a DVD from this event. It could be named “we are only in it for the money”.
    So come on, who will win this? A rich one, but this is not the average.

  7. jane23 says:

    Seems like the auction will be donated to a good cause. I would be more interested in speaking with Gail than anything else.
    I have about a million questions for her.

  8. Another Barry says:

    No way I could this, but I have to admit that it’s enticing! The problem, however, is that most of what Zappa did would probably take repeated listenings to appreciate and two hours just doesn’t seem like enough time for that.

  9. Paul Sempschi says:

    2 hours wouldnt even cover a single viewing of the Roxy DVD. If it were me, I’d be interested in seeing the Mothers 12 lp masters but it’s probably a “look dont touch [listen]” affair. A step in the right direction though, perhaps a video of the event would be a great thing to post on their website, that way we can all enjoy the prize vicariously.

  10. urbangraffito says:

    Gail “Do-Just-About-Anything-To-Make-A-Buck” Sloatman: Welcome to my vault…
    Winning Bidder: I thought this was a tour of the UMRK?
    Gail “Do-Just-About-Anything-To-Make-A-Buck” Sloatman: No, it’s just a tour of our upstairs closet. See our fine industrial vacuum cleaner there? I think Frank plugged it into the wall socket once, or did he just trip over the cord…I’m not sure…
    Winning Bidder: Does the torture ever stop?

  11. SOFA - Philostopher/Chef says:

    I tried to register (with false info {I do not possess a credit card}, and such), but I was not accepted.
    Damn!
    I was willing to bid a Million bucks – I figure that’s the equivalent of my mortal soul – too…
    Double Damn!!
    I’m with jane23 – the vault would be intriguing, but I’d rather have 2 hours of tea & chat with Gail…

  12. scott says:

    I agree with urbangraffito.
    Gail will probably blind the winner with hydrocloric acid and strap them to a barber chair. Then Joe Travers will duct-tape headphones to their ears and force them to listen to bad Zappa cover bands aborted attempts to play Manx Needs Woman.
    Then they’ll throw the winner down the stairs into the vault – but not just ANY vault! It will be a special vault for captured Zappa fans (whom they HATE).
    As the winner, you will spend month after month blinded and choking on sewage until the ZFT emptys your bank accounts. That doesn’t sound like fun!!!!

  13. urbangraffito says:

    Scott, it sounds like more than just fun, it sounds like BUSINESS AS USUAL!!!!

  14. mcnastie says:

    i am convinced that scott and urbangraffito are two sides of the same schizophrenic coin. the petty disputes over the relative merits of the zft are too tightly coordinated to be the work of two distinct individuals.
    i think that some solitary dude somewhere needs to engage in a sort of ‘fight club’-esque battle of the self, in order to rid his life of this imaginary doppleganger. who will emerge victorious – urbangraffito or scott? stay tuned.

  15. scott says:

    That’s funny. Based solely on the exclusively negative
    tone of their posts, I believe that mcnastie and urbangraffito
    are the same person. Almost NEVER a nice thing to say.
    That is what I react to.

  16. mcnastie says:

    scott has emerged, aggrieved but victorious!
    KUDOS, BRO.
    i’m trying to be nice, see?

  17. jane23 says:

    I believe that i am everyone else simultaneously.
    i am scott
    i am urbangraffito
    i am mcnastie
    but there is one thing i am not
    and that is not jane
    i am jane
    you are not jane
    on the one hand we have jane
    on the other hand we have everything else
    which is not jane
    i am your sofa

  18. urbangraffito says:

    Ich bin hier und du bist mein Sofa! I feed off the crumbs that fall from Barry’s kitchen table. We are all one inside of Zappa’s piano (men, women, poodles).
    And hey, if someone can’t tell the difference between satire and a negative attack, that’s their problem, not mine…