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Archive for December, 2003

Bring On The Bubble Machine

… and we leave you (and 2003) with the rather disturbing news that William Shatner is set to release a new album. May you live long and prosper nonetheless - have a great year!

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Rats on Coke

Meet Cage & Alice. He’s an abusive paranoid schizophrenic. She’s a selfish sadistic bitch. Two lab rats utilized to test the effects of massive habitual cocaine use.

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United Mutations News

United Mutation’s latest newsletter has just hit my inbox.

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Tulipàn Rules!

Tulipàn, an Argentine condom brand, has by far the funniest website in the business. I clicked all the links just to see what dog would come up next!

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iGuitar

Through all of musical history, the Les Paul has remained virtually unchanged, because no one would dare change it. Except for Henry Juszkiewicz, Gibson’s mercurial CEO. He wants to shove an Ethernet cable into it.

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Uncle Beat

Introducing Uncle Beat: Home of the Bootleg Vines.

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Stayin’ alive!

…by Ozzy Osbourne & Dweezil. Happy wah-wah everyone!! (thanks francesco from zutalors)

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Hicks Kicks

“I’m so sick of arming the world, then sending troops over to destroy the fucking arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries, then we go and blow the shit out of them. We’re like the bullies of the world, y’know. We’re like Jack Palance in the movie Shane, throwing the pistol at the sheepherder’s feet.
“Pick it up.”
- “I don’t wanna pick it up, Mister, you’ll shoot me.”
“Pick up the gun.”
- “Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.”
“Pick up the gun.”
(He picks it up. Three shots ring out.)
“You all saw him - he had a gun.”

The collected bootlegs of comedian Bill Hicks live shows, available to download for free in mp3 form.

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Sweater Hell

Wow, LOVE your sweater! And your golden pants too!

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Bling Bling

…and the prize for the most bland, boring, irritating, braindead and over-commercialized musical genre goes to rap/hip-hop/r&b: “Of the 111 songs in the Billboard Top 20, 43 had brands in the lyrics. The most mentioned brand: Mercedes Benz. Only one branded song was not connected to hip-hop or R&B.”

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Sidney Poot

Further adding to your holiday season indigestion: Sidney, Part Two is up.

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DinkLump

Want to hear George Duke’s ‘74 solo excursion “I Love The Blues, She Heard My Cry”? You can. Or maybe you prefer 10 different versions of “Yo Mama”? No problem. A Xmas compilation that doesn’t suck™? You got it. And finally: Zappa as Batman? Oh yes.

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Two days ago, in 1940

“On December 21, 1940, Frank Jr. came into the world - or actually almost didn’t come into the world. Mom was in labor with Frank for thirty-six hours and they both almost died. Frank came into the world butt first, and his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. He was already doing things his own way. But with a steady hand and lots of praying and probably an occasionally uttered oath by the attending physician, the umbilical cord was removed from his neck and sometime in the early morning hours Frank Vincent Zappa made his debut at Baltimore’s Mercy Hospital.” (excerpt, and picture of Frank with mom from the book ‘My Brother was a Mother’, by Patrice ‘Candy’ Zappa)

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Welcome to the Esemplasm

In order to break through the imbecilism created by the division between thought and entertainment, commerce and academia, Militant Esthetix is holding an International Conference of Esemplastic Zappology (ICE-Z, because it sounds like a rapper).

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You Say Tomatoes…

Had Frank Zappa been Canadian, we would now all love a guitar ditty by the name of “Black Serviettes”.

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